You'll never believe what I saw this weekend...

Trick or Treat!

So this past Saturday, Son O'Mine and I went on a bus trip to Salem, MA.  It's something we've talked about for a while now, and the scheduling finally worked so we could make it happen. So for those of you who've considered going, here are some tips:

1. If you're going for the first time, the Saturday before Halloween is probably not the best idea unless you enjoy waiting in line for everything. 
2. For first timers, a bus trip is the way to go. There is a shit-ton of traffic in and around Salem so hop on the bus, bring your NOOK or tablet and chill. It took us about 45 minutes to travel a few miles from the town line to where the action was. 
3. Wear comfortable shoes. You will do a lot of walking. And some of the sidewalks are wonky, wavy brick so leave the heels at home. 
4. Buy the discount exhibit ticket combo (Pirate Museum, Witch Village, Wax Museum, etc). Once you go through one of them, you're bound to want more. Save a buck or two.  (FYI - I am a self-professed weenie when it comes to gory scary things, so if I can emerge without trauma, so can your 7 year old)
5.  Each exhibit has its own gift shop - almost all carry the same touristy junk. The most interesting booty was found in the artisan tents set up in front of the Peabody. If you appreciate hand-made jewelry (I do) you'll find some beautiful pieces (I did) and you can chat with the artists. 
6. Don't be afraid to wander. It's pretty easy to find your way around the town and sometimes you have the most interesting adventures when you stray from the path. 

Son O'Mine and I had a great lunch at a bar called "In a Pig's Eye" on Derby Street.  It's a bit of a walk, but worth the trip. And on the way back, we passed this place:

'Nuff said

Tell me you could pass this place and *not* take a picture.  I dare you. It's not every day you see one of these in neon. And we passed another one on the way out of town.

Apparently it's a chain.

"Let go or be dragged"

When I was a child, I lost all of the people closest to me within the space of one year.  Consequently, I've always had a difficult time letting go of people.  Even those who were toxic and hurtful and damaging. I clung to them fiercely because my biggest fear was being left alone.
Over the past several weeks I have reconnected with some old friends that I'd lost touch with.  They reminded me that my personhood isn't lost, she's simply been buried for a long time. 

The Me I once was

Yes, that was me at age 26. She was an individual - a person. She was bright and loving and strong and wild and brave. Most of all, she was fearless.  And I miss her.

I see now that what I once believed was a safety net, was actually an anchor dragging me down.  Because I was too afraid to let go.

So this is me... letting go. 

It may take me a while to dig my way out, but I intend to fly.

She can shove a plant through concrete

With all the changes going on in my life lately, I haven't been doing as much (well, none at all) gardening as I did last summer. I planted a few things, but nothing close to the gardening frenzy I slipped into last year.  Each day as I leave for work, I glance to the right of the porch, hoping for a sign that the concrete-busting columbine is reappearing.

But, so far, nothing.

Yesterday, the masochist in me decided it would be a good idea to spend a couple hours in the scorching heat, weeding the shade beds I planted last year. Today, when I went out to weed the front walk, I found this little beauty smiling up at me.

Hellooooooo!

I like to think it's MMN (Mistress Mother Nature)'s way of showing her appreciation. But then again, it could just be her way of saying "Take care of my babies, or I'll shove a plant up your crack."

Either way, message received loud and clear.

Yes, Ma'am.

A sign of Spring

Of all the plantings in my garden, this one blossomed before any other. The sight of it made me smile and  hit me like a warm hug. 

She loves me

She is still there... no matter what. And that brings me a sense of security and hope for the future. No matter what, life goes on. 

So even though I probably won't be living here next year, I will still tend to the garden as long as I am here. Hopefully, whoever lives here next will do the same. 

If not, they will just have to be whipped into shape by Mistress Mother Nature. 

Straight up - hold the Snark

Top Shelf - Straight up 

This is perhaps the most difficult post I've ever had to write. I'm so much better at the funny, snarky bites. But I need to say this without sarcasm or jokes.

Here it is, the unvarnished truth.

Sparky and I are splitting up. Things came to a head back in January and after almost 30 years together, we've decided to divorce. Those of you who know me well know that I am a fiercely private person. I do not wish to air (or have aired by others) my dirty laundry in public. Quite frankly, only the two of us truly know the truth and those of you who've heard stories have only heard one side.  There are two sides to every story and the truth generally lies somewhere in the middle.

Out of respect for my son, I'm not going to publish details of our marriage or it's demise here.  It's really no one's business but ours. Let's just say that this is the best thing for all of us.

As for me, after the dust settled, I was forced to take a good honest look at my life and admit that I haven't been happy for a very, very long time.  The initial feelings of panic and devastation passed quickly and were replaced by a huge sense of relief.  Pretending things are perfect takes an enormous amount of energy.

To my friends and family, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I lied to you for so many years. I'm sorry I didn't allow myself to trust enough to ask for help. I hope you know that I kept everyone at arm's length not because I didn't trust you - I didn't trust that I was deserving of your love or friendship.  I am learning to reach out (baby steps) and have found the support and love of my friends is there - was always there. I was just too afraid to ask. I owe you all (especially you, Laura) my eternal gratitude and love.

To my son, I'm sorry that I couldn't give you the perfect life I so wanted for you. However, every day when I look at you and see the strong, loving, creative and brilliant man you've grown into, I know that despite the fact that your father and I failed each other, we can take pride in the knowledge that we were successful as parents.  Despite our faults, we have managed to raise an amazing son.

And that, my friends, is what's going on.  We're still in the process of working out all the details (amazing how much stuff and business you accumulate in 28 years) but things are moving along in a relatively civilized manner.

One thing is not negotiable.

I get custody of the Bear.

/snark on

Sorry for the lapse... I was on a secret mission

My apologies for the long silence -

BUT....

I have some news...

I HAVE A JOB!!!!!

Hallelujah!!!

Funny how life works out. I spied the job posting on Indeed.com (Great site!). It was a position with a local non-profit organization that I'd actually done business with at one of my previous jobs.  The idea of working for them had never crossed my mind but it just seemed to jump out at me from the list. 

Ah, what the hell.

So, I shot them my resume and a cover letter, got a call the very next day and interviewed the day after that. The next day I had an offer.

I started my new position two days after I filed for my last available week of unemployment benefits. 

And right after the transgender blizzard (Nemo aka Charlotte) dropped a few feet of snow on us.

Trans-storm Tootsies

This storm was relatively gentle on us - we didn't lose power and were able to dig out without much drama although it did take 7 hours to clear our driveway and walk with the snowblower.  But I think I would've walked the 8 miles to work in that snow if I had to.

I always believed that everything happens for a reason and this job with this particular organization coming at this particular time... was destiny.

It's a small office populated with people who are positive and supportive and respectful of each other and the customers.

I have an office to go to, a job to do that is challenging and fulfilling and I am surrounded by genuinely nice folks.

I am beary, beary happy.