Monday, September 6, 2010

Shame is not a bad thing

"Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to."
~Mark Twain

This politically correct “I’m-ok- you’re-ok-we’re-all-perfect-we-never-fail-because-that-would-make-us-feel-bad” crap that has spread like a cancer over the past couple decades has completely obliterated one of the most essential and valuable emotions we humans are capable of – Shame.

Did you follow the Tiger Woods scandal? More than a dozen women couldn’t wait to tell everyone (especially the press) that they had sex with Tiger. For a while there, they seemed to be slithering out from under every rock in America. My favorite was the porn actress who said she had a three-year “relationship” with Tiger and was upset when he didn’t mention her in his public apology.


Oh yeah, she hired that attention whore, Gloria Allred because her heart was broken. Which apparently could only be healed by the quick application of large wads of cash. She gave up her porn career for him! He told her she was the only one he was CHEATING on his WIFE with.

Her attorney said, “A woman ought to be able to believe a man when he tells her that."

Are you freakin’ kidding me?

A few weeks ago, we fired a guy for sending a photo of his “parts” to a co-worker through company email. Now he is disputing the unemployment decision to deny his compensation claim. Dude, how can you possibly defend this? What - where you come from was it “Take your Dick to Work Day?”

There was a time when these things were considered shameful. An affair with a married man wasn’t done openly, it was kept a secret because it was WRONG. Exposure brought… yep, you guessed it – SHAME.

But psychologists (semi-psychiatrists – you know, the ones who couldn’t get into Med school?) have decided over the past 20 or so years that shame is a bad thing. It hurts your feelings. It makes you feel bad. And we don’t ever want anyone to feel bad, right?

WRONG. You should feel bad, YOU FUCKED UP!!!

Shame is that hot, flushy feeling you get in that moment when you realize you haven’t lived up to your own standards. It doesn’t involve public humiliation. Doesn’t even matter if anyone else ever knows - it’s between you and yourself. YOU know and so, you feel shame.

Shame has gotten a bad rap over the years. There’s nothing wrong with shame – we all feel it at one point or another (If you don’t, you should).

Shame is what motivates you to get your shit together. Without shame, we never take responsibility for our actions and therefore, never change, never evolve, never grow.

It’s been said that it is not our mistakes, but how we handle them that define us. So embrace your shame. Recognize it for what it is. It’s the internal alarm that keeps us progressing as human beings. It’s that kick in the ass we all need every once in a while.

So be ashamed. Acknowledge that you messed up. Then get your shit together and move on.

You’ll be a better person for it.


  1. I agree, if people are constantly coddled when they make a mistake, they'll never learn!

  2. You delight me in your straightforward-ness. HELL YES SHAME. Shame for ALL! Shame on EVERYONE.

    You see, this is what happens when I'm OCD and off work for Labor Day. Shame on me.