Friday, July 27, 2012

There she is...

Linda Hamilton
Injected, rubbed and restrained... and spent.

The slut.

There is a body in my trunk...

Well, I drive a Jeep Cherokee so I don't actually have a trunk. But there is a space behind the back seat - and there is currently a body in it.

A dead body.

Dead, dismembered and drained.

Her feet are in a separate bag...

I didn't know her before her untimely demise, but I suspect she is a Hamilton.

 Note the strong family resemblance

Sparky and his BFF (My Sister-Wife, Geno) used to roast pigs in a huge oil drum in Geno's backyard.   Everyone else loved to watch the pig spin while drinking copious amounts of beer and tequila but since I don't drink all that much, the sight of a corpse rotisserie-ing all day in a rusty oil drum was less than appetizing.

Then, I discovered La Caja China!

I saw Roberto kick Bobby Flay's butt in a Pork Shoulder Throwdown and I was sold. I had found THE PERFECT CHRISTMAS GIFT for my husband.  (We've been married 27 years - I ran out of great gift ideas around 15 years ago, so this was a true Christmas miracle.)

I knew it was a hit when Sparky assembled the box in the middle of my living room on Christmas Eve. Since then, there's been no stopping him. Several times a year, Sparky whips out his Caja China and cooks up a pig.

It's a big production, mind you. He restrains the pig spread-eagled on a rack, injects the pig with secret juice, then he rubs the pig all over with coarse salt and spices...

'Scuse me... had a little "50 Shades of Pork" moment there...'

Anyhow, a friend of Son O'Mine is having a party tomorrow and he asked Sparky to roast a pig. So,  at this very moment, he's out there restraining and injecting and rubbbbbbing...

I'm going to watch.

Hey, I'm old... I take my thrills wherever I can.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Bear Nekkid Bird Sanctuary

SF Homes in Wooded Setting

When I was a new bride, I was a collector. For some reason, I felt compelled to accumulate groups of things - handcrafted things like birdhouses and hand-thrown pottery. Pretty things but not particularly useful and a pain in the ass to keep free of dust. Luckily, I have the attention span of gnat so these collections never grew to the hundreds or thousands, just enough (I thought) to make a statement.

Until recently, the birdhouses were displayed above my kitchen cabinets. Since Sparky retired, we've been doing a lot of work on the house and the yard and I've been in this "Re-use, Recycle or Dump" mode. In my zeal to de-clutter the house as we renovate,  some items have migrated outdoors.

The shade gardens in front of the house needed... something.

As you know, we New Englanders love us some yard ornaments. Yes indeedy, we do.

So rather than go the way of flamingos and Mary-on-the-halfshell, I decided to relocate the birdhouses outdoors.  We mounted the houses on some beautiful old weathered fence posts and I have to admit, I'm pretty pleased with the way they turned out.

Bird Condos -  Great Amenities, Low HOA Fees

Now, I didn't actually expect birds to use these since they're placed so close to the house.  My thought was that they would be purely decorative. The birds, however, had other ideas. Someone is currently renovating this Bait Shack directly in front of my Living Room window.
Cozy Single Family - Under Renovation

I came home one day last week and found a Chickadee about to enter the birdhouse with a bright blue string clutched in her beak.  Since I love to decorate, I decided to help her with the reno project. I pulled out my knitting bag and tied scraps of bright purple and blue yarn to various trees in the yard.

Apparently, Mistress Mother Nature is pleased because the next day, I was gifted with this:

Another single perfect bloom

Although, someone else is NOT so happy because I found the corpse of a baby bird on the top rail of my garden fence.  I felt like the guy in The Godfather who found the horse's head in his bed. I suspect it's the Subterranean Pythons...

This is war.

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Independence Day

Decked out for July 4th

Today is the 4th of July and Americans all over the world are celebrating their independence. Here in the Greene household, we celebrate a little more this year.

As some of you may know, in addition to coaching Football, for the past 20 years Sparky also worked full time as a Correction Officer in a maximum security prison. As of July first, he is officially RETIRED.

A lot is said of those who fight in foreign wars for the freedoms we enjoy, and yet, rarely does anyone acknowledge the selfless service of those who protect us here at home. We're all aware of the soldiers who race to battle with guns and grenades but what of those men and women who walk each day unarmed among society's most violent criminals with nothing more than a small body alarm to protect them.

These are the people who form a line of defense between us and those who would hurt or kill us for no reason other than we have something they want.

And yet, there are some who resent the "20 years and out" policy. They feel that these state employees somehow get a "free ride" on the taxpayer's dime.

Make no mistake about it, Correction Officers EARN that retirement.

  • 20 years of working a rotating schedule - 5 days on, 3 days off.
  • Overtime is not an hour here and there - it's a full 8 hour shift on top of your normal shift. That's 16 hours straight - sometimes voluntary but it can be (and often is) "ordered" when necessary.
  • 20 years of working every holiday. No holidays, no snow days because they are  "essential personnel."
  • 20 years of going to work every day in a freshly pressed uniform only to have inmates hurl all manner of bodily secretions at you - this is just one form of assault - many are HIV+
  • 20 years of daily verbal abuse - being called every racist, ethnic or sexual slur imagineable - you cannot respond in kind - that would be unprofessional.
  • 20 years of being locked behind bars with the most dangerous humans on the planet - and knowing that to them, you are nothing more than a target. (Sparky was well respected in the prison and yet he was assaulted twice.)
    Correction work takes its toll on those who work there and the families who love them. It changes people. It's not easy to maintain your basic faith in humanity when you spend 8-16 hours a day bearing witness to the horrors that humans are capable of inflicting on themselves and one another. It's easy to become jaded and cynical, and it's not easy to turn that off when you get home.

    Sparky's 20 years are done. Ever since he made the decision to go, I've noticed a change in his demeanor. Each day his smile comes more readily and he laughs more easily.

    Today we celebrate Sparky's Independence Day.