Bear Nekkid Bird Rescuer



 Funny thing about being unemployed, you lose track of days. I remember to water and weed and fertilize, but ask me what day of the week it is or even what month, and the brain freezes. So imagine my surprise when I realized that this post was only ONE month ago!

My garden has grown a bit ;-)

photo taken today, 06/23

I know I said no chatchkes, and there are no flamingos.... but I read that birds like blueberries so to discourage them, we built a nifty cage. I found this old owl way in the back of the yard from the garden we had 20 years ago.  His eyes are gone, he had wasps living up his kazoo and his head was covered in bird poop - it was like the other birds were mocking him.  I HAD to save him. So we cleaned him up, gave him a Raid colonoscopy and brought him out of retirement. He may be old, but he gets the job done.  I call him Stevie Wonder. 


Whoooooooooooo Goes There?

And then, I found a bird at Home Depot. I left him there the first time I saw him but he was with a bunch of others so I figured someone else would adopt him. A week later, we went back and he was still there... alone with two broken birds. I took it as a sign. Now he hovers over the herb pot, up to his ass in Sweet Basil. I call him Marty Feldman.


Fly this way...


On the Subterranean Python front, Sparky found the best trap ever invented! This thing is fucking brilliant! It's not actually a trap, it's more like a guillotine for underground pests.

Our Weapon of Choice

It whacks them, but you don't have to dispose of the bodies - they're already buried. This is serial killer criminal genius. If they ever make these things people size, we're all screwed.



Save yourselves...

In my service to Mistress Mother Nature I spend time daily weeding, watering, fertilizing and otherwise caring for and worshiping her beauty. So far, I haven't killed anything although the blue columbine I planted is still flowerless while HER pink columbines are setting records for blooms.  Go figure.

New Pinkness

Each year I plant boatloads of impatiens. They may be my favorite annual because they come in virtually every color, they grow in shade, they tell you immediately when they need water (they wilt visibly - sometimes I swear I can hear them gasping) and if you fertilize the hell out of them, they will quickly fill whatever space you put them in, completely eliminating the need to do much weeding.

Yesterday, at the back of a bed of impatiens I discovered this:

Oh. Em. Gee.

I showed it to Sparky but he dismissed it. "It's just a hole. Relax."

Relax? How can I relax? I watch NatGeo TV!

Now it all makes sense. The bunny that lived in our yard disappeared. And the squirrel population is dwindling rapidly. The signs are obvious.

There are Subterranean Pythons in Connecticut. 

God help us all.

It's a Jungle out here, Folks.

Yesterday the local news announced a health alert - Rabid Bats have been found in New London, CT.

I know what you're thinking. "Connecticut is nothing but suburbs - Cul De Sacs and Country Clubs."

Actually, that's not far from the truth - on the surface. But that's just a clever facade. Behind the Soccer Moms and Debutantes is a plethora of predatory wildlife.

Oh yes, the wild west doesn't have a lock on dangerous critters. There's some scary shit here in New England.

Sparky took this pic of two hawks perched on a neighbor's car a couple of weeks ago. 

"I didn't get an ivite, did you?... Crap!"

They were there for hours, not the least bit afraid of the humans. Maybe they were miffed because they didn't get invited to the party so they decided to crap all over the cars. Kind of poetic justice.

For over a year now, people have been reporting Mountain Lions in CT. To which our DEP responded, "Don't be silly, there are no Mountain Lions in Connecticut!" Last month, one was hit by a car in Milford and the DEP's statement was "Well, it wasn't NATIVE to CT. The autopsy shows it came from North Dakota." (Or South Dakota - anyway, it was a Dakota.)

We also have Fishers (AKA Fishercats). These are a nasty (and big) member of the weasel family that can grow to three feet long. Sparky and I saw one once on the way to the Casinos (for research purposes). It shot in front of our car - those suckers are FAST! It looked mean which makes sense because they're one of the few animals that can hunt and eat Porcupines... Porcupines!

And speaking of nasty, Connecticut is riddled with wild turkeys. (Think I'm kidding? Google "Wild Turkeys in CT") Now, most people think turkeys come from Butterball, but when they still have all their parts (beaks 'n feets), these monsters are HUGE. Females average 36 inches and males average 48. That's four feet tall, folks.

They look better cooked.

They travel in packs or herds or gaggles or gangs, whatever the hell you call it. And they've been known to bring traffic on the Merritt Parkway to a complete halt during the Spring mating season.

And now, we have Rabid Bats.

This week, we found a dead skunk on the front lawn. Now, it's possible that he got hit by a car and was just able to drag his stinky self up on our lawn before he expired in a cloud of "Eau de P. U."

But the bodies are piling up. This is the third body in a month and with all the predators around here, the possibilities are endless.

And you thought it was easy out here in the Suburbs?  It ain't all pool parties and barbecues, Folks.