Bear Nekkid Bird Sanctuary

SF Homes in Wooded Setting

When I was a new bride, I was a collector. For some reason, I felt compelled to accumulate groups of things - handcrafted things like birdhouses and hand-thrown pottery. Pretty things but not particularly useful and a pain in the ass to keep free of dust. Luckily, I have the attention span of gnat so these collections never grew to the hundreds or thousands, just enough (I thought) to make a statement.

Until recently, the birdhouses were displayed above my kitchen cabinets. Since Sparky retired, we've been doing a lot of work on the house and the yard and I've been in this "Re-use, Recycle or Dump" mode. In my zeal to de-clutter the house as we renovate,  some items have migrated outdoors.

The shade gardens in front of the house needed... something.

As you know, we New Englanders love us some yard ornaments. Yes indeedy, we do.

So rather than go the way of flamingos and Mary-on-the-halfshell, I decided to relocate the birdhouses outdoors.  We mounted the houses on some beautiful old weathered fence posts and I have to admit, I'm pretty pleased with the way they turned out.

Bird Condos -  Great Amenities, Low HOA Fees

Now, I didn't actually expect birds to use these since they're placed so close to the house.  My thought was that they would be purely decorative. The birds, however, had other ideas. Someone is currently renovating this Bait Shack directly in front of my Living Room window.

Cozy Single Family - Under Renovation

I came home one day last week and found a Chickadee about to enter the birdhouse with a bright blue string clutched in her beak.  Since I love to decorate, I decided to help her with the reno project. I pulled out my knitting bag and tied scraps of bright purple and blue yarn to various trees in the yard.

Apparently, Mistress Mother Nature is pleased because the next day, I was gifted with this:

Another single perfect bloom

Although, someone else is NOT so happy because I found the corpse of a baby bird on the top rail of my garden fence.  I felt like the guy in The Godfather who found the horse's head in his bed. I suspect it's the Subterranean Pythons...

This is war.

Bear Nekkid Bird Rescuer



 Funny thing about being unemployed, you lose track of days. I remember to water and weed and fertilize, but ask me what day of the week it is or even what month, and the brain freezes. So imagine my surprise when I realized that this post was only ONE month ago!

My garden has grown a bit ;-)

photo taken today, 06/23

I know I said no chatchkes, and there are no flamingos.... but I read that birds like blueberries so to discourage them, we built a nifty cage. I found this old owl way in the back of the yard from the garden we had 20 years ago.  His eyes are gone, he had wasps living up his kazoo and his head was covered in bird poop - it was like the other birds were mocking him.  I HAD to save him. So we cleaned him up, gave him a Raid colonoscopy and brought him out of retirement. He may be old, but he gets the job done.  I call him Stevie Wonder. 


Whoooooooooooo Goes There?

And then, I found a bird at Home Depot. I left him there the first time I saw him but he was with a bunch of others so I figured someone else would adopt him. A week later, we went back and he was still there... alone with two broken birds. I took it as a sign. Now he hovers over the herb pot, up to his ass in Sweet Basil. I call him Marty Feldman.


Fly this way...


On the Subterranean Python front, Sparky found the best trap ever invented! This thing is fucking brilliant! It's not actually a trap, it's more like a guillotine for underground pests.

Our Weapon of Choice

It whacks them, but you don't have to dispose of the bodies - they're already buried. This is serial killer criminal genius. If they ever make these things people size, we're all screwed.



Mother Nature is pleased...

I garden the same way I do most things - impulsively. I stroll through Home Depot garden department and when something pretty catches my eye, I'll buy it and then wander around the yard until I find a spot for it. Then I pray that it lives. Most plants here have a 50-50 chance of survival. There was one pretty japanese maple that I planted and moved about 7 times until it finally died a piteous death.

And Mother Nature usually punished me for my cavalier approach to her babies.

But this year, I've taken a different approach. I've been actually reading those little tags that come in the pots, researching online about the proper care and handling of the flora and fauna I purchase and it's paid off. Who knew?

The vegetable garden is flourishing - we have tomatos and peppers and the very beginnings of beans and squash blossoms. The shade garden is coming along and the lavender plants smell heavenly.

Apparently, I have been a very good girl. The blooms have all disappeared from Her pink columbine plants. But today when I was on my way to the gym, I saw this:

Only one, but perfect!

I'm still battling the subterranean pythons though. Someone told me they don't like garlic so each morning I wander around the yard with a bucket of garlic powder and toss some down each hole. I'm not sure if it works - they don't return to that hole, but they do dig new ones, each progressively larger. I think the little fuckers are using heavy machinery to dig now. Sparky says it's time to get a trap but I'm considering calling in some back up of my own:

Combat Gnomes

Besides, they'll come in handy in the Zombie Apocalypse.

Save yourselves...

In my service to Mistress Mother Nature I spend time daily weeding, watering, fertilizing and otherwise caring for and worshiping her beauty. So far, I haven't killed anything although the blue columbine I planted is still flowerless while HER pink columbines are setting records for blooms.  Go figure.

New Pinkness

Each year I plant boatloads of impatiens. They may be my favorite annual because they come in virtually every color, they grow in shade, they tell you immediately when they need water (they wilt visibly - sometimes I swear I can hear them gasping) and if you fertilize the hell out of them, they will quickly fill whatever space you put them in, completely eliminating the need to do much weeding.

Yesterday, at the back of a bed of impatiens I discovered this:

Oh. Em. Gee.

I showed it to Sparky but he dismissed it. "It's just a hole. Relax."

Relax? How can I relax? I watch NatGeo TV!

Now it all makes sense. The bunny that lived in our yard disappeared. And the squirrel population is dwindling rapidly. The signs are obvious.

There are Subterranean Pythons in Connecticut. 

God help us all.

I have a new obsession

National Geographic TV.

When I was working, I didn't really watch much TV. My viewing was limited to mostly Bravo TV Housewives (pick a city) and HBO Series (Deadwood, Rome, True Blood and Game of Thrones). Mostly because they reran them quickly so if I missed an episode, I could catch up without much effort. But I didn't watch much else. After a long day at work and hours of commuting, I was lucky if I could stay awake through dinner.

With more time on my hands now, I have discovered that my cable gives me about 500 gazillion channels. I have a veritable smorgasborg of entertainment at my fingertips.

Who knew?

So, I'm flipping through the channels and I happened upon NatGeoTV.

Oh. Em. Gee.

Check this out:

Rocket City Rednecks.
These are a group of friends in Huntsville, AL who actually are rocket scientists. On the weekends, they get together and "experiment." In the episodes I watched, they retrofitted an old RV for a simulated manned mission to Mars (complete with a distillation system to convert Pee to drinking water), they invented lightweight vehicle armor using beer cans and duct tape, and built a homemade Radio Telescope out of abandoned dish satellites and backyard junk.

It's like MacGuyver on steroids.

And those scary animal shows get my brain working overtime.

The Connecticut Python

Me: There's a python in our front yard.

Sparky: There are no pythons in Connecticut.

Me: Look in the front yard!

Sparky: That's a branch. You need to stop watching TV.

Me: They are invading the Everglades! Eating alligators and cars! It's only a matter of time before they reach New England.

Sparky: Pythons are tropical reptiles. It's too cold for them in New England.

Me: Global warming, baby. It's happening. We better be ready. Just sayin'.


Then there's The Dog Whisperer.

Love me some Cesar Milan. He now has a rehab for dogs with psychological issues. 'Nuff said.

Now there's a new show.

Doomsday Preppers.
Folks preparing for the end of the world. Only thing is, no two of them can agree on how that end will happen. Volcanoes, Tsunamis, Nuclear Bombs, Global Warming, Civil Unrest... the list goes on. Not only does the show highlight how these peeps are preparing for the end, but experts give their opinions on how effective their efforts will be if the end does come.

Now THAT is reality TV.

I'm watching... and I'm taking notes.