Let’s Catch Up

Grab a 'cuppa

Wow it’s been a while. Sorry for the lapse. A lot has happened since we last spoke. So grab a cup of whatever and I’ll give you the nutshell version.

Divorce: Well, after a few years of separation, Sparky and I finally divorced. Out of respect for Son O’Mine, I will spare you the dirty details.

Move: Six weeks after the divorce was final, I sold the house and purchased a condo. Two closings and one move in one day. A real estate marathon. My attorney was so impressed with my negotiating skills he told me if I ever decided to start a new career as a real estate paralegal, he’d hire me. I’m still considering that.

Preparing to Exhale

Fire: One month after I moved out, while it was undergoing renovations, our old house burned to the ground. Nothing left but the foundation, one chimney and the curbside mailbox. Thank goodness no one was injured.

When the new owners rebuilt, they used the same footprint but a completely new floor plan. Since the house was on a corner, they were able to turn it so that it now faces to the side with a completely new address. It’s as if 30+ years of history has been completely erased. I felt kind of strange about it at first, but now I find it rather freeing. The only good thing that came out of that time is Son O’Mine and that’s fine with me. I left all the lies, betrayals, the emotional abuse and pain behind when I walked out of that house for the last time.  After all those years of walking on eggshells and holding my breath, the fire allowed me to finally exhale.

So, moving on was the most difficult and best thing that I ever did. I was able to purge and only take the things that mattered to me. Everything else, I left behind – in more ways than one.

When I started this new chapter, I promised myself I wouldn’t settle. I had spent my entire life settling for what other people told me I should have, should like, should do. No more. I refused to settle and found the house of my dreams. Life was going great.

Then, in October of 2018, everything changed.

She can shove a plant through concrete

With all the changes going on in my life lately, I haven't been doing as much (well, none at all) gardening as I did last summer. I planted a few things, but nothing close to the gardening frenzy I slipped into last year.  Each day as I leave for work, I glance to the right of the porch, hoping for a sign that the concrete-busting columbine is reappearing.

But, so far, nothing.

Yesterday, the masochist in me decided it would be a good idea to spend a couple hours in the scorching heat, weeding the shade beds I planted last year. Today, when I went out to weed the front walk, I found this little beauty smiling up at me.

Hellooooooo!

I like to think it's MMN (Mistress Mother Nature)'s way of showing her appreciation. But then again, it could just be her way of saying "Take care of my babies, or I'll shove a plant up your crack."

Either way, message received loud and clear.

Yes, Ma'am.

Frankenstorm is coming!

Trick or Treat!!

Last year, Halloween came and went while those of us who live in New England were without power for a week under two feet of snow.

This year, we put up our spooky decorations early only to hear that now, Hurricane Sandy is heading our way... for Halloween.

Crap.

So, as we're all taking down anything that can fly away, the Bear put on his costume.  I thought this was a wildly optimistic move on his part until I saw this:

 Smart Ass Bear

Now I see that this is an editorial statement.

Take that, Sandy. 

Mother Nature is pleased...

I garden the same way I do most things - impulsively. I stroll through Home Depot garden department and when something pretty catches my eye, I'll buy it and then wander around the yard until I find a spot for it. Then I pray that it lives. Most plants here have a 50-50 chance of survival. There was one pretty japanese maple that I planted and moved about 7 times until it finally died a piteous death.

And Mother Nature usually punished me for my cavalier approach to her babies.

But this year, I've taken a different approach. I've been actually reading those little tags that come in the pots, researching online about the proper care and handling of the flora and fauna I purchase and it's paid off. Who knew?

The vegetable garden is flourishing - we have tomatos and peppers and the very beginnings of beans and squash blossoms. The shade garden is coming along and the lavender plants smell heavenly.

Apparently, I have been a very good girl. The blooms have all disappeared from Her pink columbine plants. But today when I was on my way to the gym, I saw this:

Only one, but perfect!

I'm still battling the subterranean pythons though. Someone told me they don't like garlic so each morning I wander around the yard with a bucket of garlic powder and toss some down each hole. I'm not sure if it works - they don't return to that hole, but they do dig new ones, each progressively larger. I think the little fuckers are using heavy machinery to dig now. Sparky says it's time to get a trap but I'm considering calling in some back up of my own:

Combat Gnomes

Besides, they'll come in handy in the Zombie Apocalypse.

Dragons, Gargoyles and Pink Flamingos...

Le Garden - en mulch

We seem to be slipping into a gardening frenzy here. The garden is all neatly fenced, raised beds full of tomatoes, peppers, squash and beans - red mulch on the outside, brown mulch on the insides. Blueberries are in pots on a bed of red mulch under a cage to keep the birds away.



Blooooooooberries!

Today, Sparky and I went mulch shopping and stopped in a garden shop full of concrete figurines. We "oohed" and "ahhhed" over the dogs, angels, lions and birds, dragons and gargoyles, the gazing balls and even some lawn jockeys (who knew they still sold those?) ... but then, we stopped ourselves.

Thank Goodness.

Here in New England, the addiction to lawn ornaments is an epidemic. It's a slippery slope from one cute concrete gnome to Mary-On-The-Halfshell and Pink Flamingos.

 Our house is surrounded by solar lights and (are you sensing a theme here? ) red mulch.  I'm thinking we can skip the chatchkes for now.

Although, there's room in the back yard for a Koi pond...

Save yourselves...

In my service to Mistress Mother Nature I spend time daily weeding, watering, fertilizing and otherwise caring for and worshiping her beauty. So far, I haven't killed anything although the blue columbine I planted is still flowerless while HER pink columbines are setting records for blooms.  Go figure.

New Pinkness

Each year I plant boatloads of impatiens. They may be my favorite annual because they come in virtually every color, they grow in shade, they tell you immediately when they need water (they wilt visibly - sometimes I swear I can hear them gasping) and if you fertilize the hell out of them, they will quickly fill whatever space you put them in, completely eliminating the need to do much weeding.

Yesterday, at the back of a bed of impatiens I discovered this:

Oh. Em. Gee.

I showed it to Sparky but he dismissed it. "It's just a hole. Relax."

Relax? How can I relax? I watch NatGeo TV!

Now it all makes sense. The bunny that lived in our yard disappeared. And the squirrel population is dwindling rapidly. The signs are obvious.

There are Subterranean Pythons in Connecticut. 

God help us all.

50 Shades of Pink

Blooming, Blooming, Blooming!

Ever since that last post about Her, this concrete-busting columbine plant has been in perpetual bloom.  Feeling lucky, I bought and planted a blue columbine nearby. Within a day, every friggin' flower fell off the plant.

Blue Columbloomless

To make Her point, this is what sprouted up about 7 inches from the blue plant ...

Ta dah!

Just in case the message was unclear... Mistress Mother Nature (I once again surrender to Her Supreme Awesomeness) prefers the columbines in this garden pink.

Now if only she could do something about the Bear's wardrobe...

Dear CL&P

A gift from CL&P

So we received our monthly bill from CL&P today. This is the first since the freak snowstorm (Alfred) in October that knocked out power to most of CT for the better part of a week.

I'm still trying to figure out how our electric bill is higher than October when we didn't have power for a week... But I digress.

Enclosed with our bill was a sweet little informational pamphlet titled "Weathering a Storm."

Since I am a good customer, I promptly wrote the check and I returned the pamphlet to them with a note:

My Holiday gift to CL&P

What can I say? It's the holiday season and I like to give back.

Snowmageddon

This is Son O’Mine’s first winter as a licensed driver. So before the last storm, he backed his car into the driveway so he could easily drive out after the snow.

Yeah, not so much.

According to the CT.gov website’s “Weather Fun Facts” we normally average about 12.3 inches of snowfall in January.

This January, we received 54.9 inches.

For those of you who don’t live in climates where it snows, let me try to describe what it’s like on the roads here. Did you ever watch the Luge on the Winter Olympics? The athlete lays down on a teeny sled and is shot down a steep hill through a tunnel of ice. Here’s a shot I took on my drive home yesterday. (For size reference, I drive a Jeep Cherokee)

 

In some spots, the piles are so high and wide that there is barely enough room for two cars to pass with a quarter of an inch to spare.

But we handle it. We New Englanders are a stoic bunch. We know the drill – as soon as we clear the driveway, the plow will pass by and shove more snow in. Each time we unearth the mailbox, the plow will go by and decapitate it again. That’s the circle of life here.

No, the problem we have now is that we’ve run out of places to put it. I actually found myself standing in the driveway holding a shovel full of snow and wondering how much I could pack into the trunk of my neighbor’s car. And every time I see that US Postal Service TV ad – “If it fits, it ships”… I wonder how much we could send to the relatives in Florida …

Today is Feb 2nd. Yesterday, we were on the receiving end of another 5-8 inches of snow and today - the frosting on the cake - sleet and freezing rain. Winter Trifecta!

The one ray of sunshine today – the groundhog predicted an early spring. He’d better be right or we may just go all Sarah Palin on his ass.

And how’s the Bear handling all this mess? He’s hibernating.

Nothin but nose, baby… Nothin but nose.

Zombies, Vampires and Radioactive Santa

He's baaaaaaaaack!

It's that time again. Time when folks in the CT suburbs work feverishly to outdo each other in cheesy lawn decorations. It generally starts at 12:01 am, the day after Thanksgiving.

The trends seem to have cycles. They don't change as often as clothing fashions, but every few years there's a new big thing and everyone who's anyone has to have it.

For years it was those white wicker Zombie Reindeer. Some folks still have those. I'm ok with those now, but that first year they appeared, they were EVERYWHERE! Herds of them all over lawns. Some were even motion-activated so when you went by, they'd turn their heads. Creepy.

This year, there are Vampire Inflatables sprouting up from lawns everywhere here. You know the ones. Ginormous Santas, Snowmen, and Reindeer that litter the lawn like corpses all day and magically inflate and light up at dark. Vampires. Who else would think that dead Santa on the lawn all day is attractive?

And of course, the Bear has his Santa hat on and a Christmas flag speared through the heart. Each year he is joined by Radioactive Santa. Now, when we originally bought the house, the neighbor's garage was adjacent to ours at the end of a long driveway. Each year, they'd put Santa on the roof and light him up. Son O'Mine would wave to Santa each night. Cute stuff.

However, in the way of the suburbs, things changed. We put on an addition to the house. So within months, the neighbors built a big two-car-two-story garage in front of the old one. We didn't really think much of it, till the night of the day after Thanksgiving.

They put Santa (same Santa 25 years later - CT peeps are crazy, but thrifty) up on the roof of the new garage (which is now in a direct line with our bedroom window) and jammed a bazillion watts up his ass.

From Thanksgiving to New Years, we have to keep our bedroom drapes closed tight now, or Sparky and I get sunburned while we sleep.

I'm considering lead-lined shades - do they come in robin's egg blue?